The Beginners Guide: How to Last Longer in Bed

Most men last between five to ten minutes during sex. That’s the average, but what if you could last longer, feel more confident, and enjoy every moment instead of worrying about finishing too soon?

Are you feeling ready to step up your game in the bedroom? Then this beginners guide on how to last longer in bed is for you.

Maybe you are single and want to improve your sexual magic. Maybe you feel stuck in a rut and are struggling to break free from the current duration of your love making. Or maybe you are feeling so anxious before sex that you get caught up in mindfucks and even need alcohol or cannabis to help you perform.
And when you get caught in a mindfuck, the looping thoughts will certainly make sure you won’t last. Or maybe you’ve just become complacent and stuck and feel content with the way things are, even though you know you are not living up to your full potential.

This might sound like a lot of work and effort, and it is. Like anything you want to improve at, you will need to train to become a better lover too. In this little piece of writing, I’m going to give you a few starter points that helped me on my journey to last longer in bed. And trust me, I had a lot of performance anxiety when I first embarked on the sexual journey, and my mindfucks always made things worse.

Cut out habits that are killing your performance

The first step of lasting longer in bed is to stop everything that is killing your performance.

You need to stop your porn habit.

There is a lot I could write about porn, and this is a whole subject. The bottom line is if you want to become a better lover you must stop using porn immediately.
Porn is desensitising your mind, body and spirit. It is building a false idea of sexuality, and there is a lot of performance and comparison. You are simply training yourself and building pathways that are not optimal for peak sexual performance.
Porn also includes Instagram models and other social media posts that peaks your dopamine receptors. I suggest you commit to detoxing from porn right now.

Stop anything else that is killing your sexual performance.

This is secondary to stopping the use of porn, but in the long run it’s worth it for building a strong libido.
Other things that might kill your edge and sexual performance could be social media, tobacco, alcohol, unhealthy food, other drugs and substances, overactive fantasies, regular ejaculations and movies.

Reconnect with your sexuality

My belief is that we must retrain ourselves from the beginning. We need to go back to the core and the root of our sexuality. Now that you have removed external influences it’s time to explore the internal sensations and feelings.

How would it be to explore your own body without the need to ejaculate or orgasm?

When you are training for a marathon you don’t practice sprints. You find your pace, your rhythm, work on the limiting beliefs and practice that repeatedly until you can run a whole marathon.
Like any sport, we need to train regularly to perform better in the competition.

My suggestion is to set up a regular practice for just you and your body where you explore, massage, touch, breathe and spend quality time with your own sensuality and sexuality without the agenda of orgasm or ejaculation.

If you want to have sex longer than six minutes, your personal practice needs to reflect this.

Find an embodiment practice

To become a great lover you will need to be connected to your own body. This means that you need to set up a regular practice for opening and connection with yourself.
Personally, I do yoga and stretching as my regular practice. In yoga I get to practice breathing techniques, mindfulness as well as opening and stretching the body. For me it really is the holy trinity for sexual performance.

1)       Breathing

Breathing will help you regulate and circulate energy during sex.
Have you ever noticed how you sometimes start holding your breath when the intensity starts building? A regular breathwork practice can help you manage this.

I suggest starting to focus on smooth inhales and exhales, almost like a gentle wave in the ocean flowing from one to the next. When the intensity peaks start extending the exhale and soften all the tension in the muscles.

2)       Mindfulness

This might be one of the most important points. The practice of presence in sex will make you different from most other men. Holding eye contact, breathing, noticing any sensations and the waves of pleasure circulating through the body.

You can practice mindfulness through meditation and yoga, by holding a fixed point of focus on the wall, on the tip of your nose or on your breath.

3)       Stretching

A regular practice like stretching, yoga, massage or chi-gong will help you get familiar with your own body. Through long holds of body postures, while breathing and staying present, you can train yourself to be more flexible, relaxed and grounded.

Progress, not perfection

I know this is not a quick fix, and you will have setbacks, slips and a few mediocre sexual performances. But with commitment, regular discipline and with courage to get back on the horse after falling, you’ll eventually see real improvement.

When you can do this practice with yourself first, then you can also do it with your one-night stand, lover, partner, husband or wife.

Try this for one month and notice the difference. For me, what started as a simple 21-day challenge became a lifelong practice. One that’s stayed with me for over 13 years.

It’s all about taking one step at a time, on your path to more confidence, control and connection.