Semen Retention, my longest-standing practice.

There is so much talk these days about semen retention, no-fap, and non-ejaculation practices.

This is to all the guys who think this means that you must stop having sex. Yes, maybe for some, monk-mode is the way to go. I agree that having breaks from sex and going into celibacy may be very empowering at times, but staying there can be an excuse to not engage in intimacy.

I attended my first tantra workshop at the age of 20. One of the first questions we were asked to reflect on was: “What is your biggest sexual problem?”

Now I’m going to get vulnerable with you.

At the time, with my limited sexual practice and growing up in an environment where porn use was normalised, my biggest sexual problem was feeling like I couldn’t last long enough. Most of my sexual experience came from one-night stands, often after drinking or smoking weed, so the experiences I had were limited in quality.

There was a lot of shame there for not being able to perform better. What did it mean about my masculinity, strength, confidence, and power?

The first tool I learned in my introduction to tantric sexual practices was semen retention.

In my early 20s, this was extremely difficult, and I could rarely go longer than 16 days without ejaculation. I often leaked by having a wet dream or getting overly excited in sex. I was introduced to the 21-day challenge of non-ejaculation, and it took me at least a year and a half of practice before I managed to get to day 21.

The problem was that this didn’t fix the shame. No, the shame was moved from my sexual performance to my ability to practice semen retention.

If I had sex and ejaculated, I would go into shame attacks on myself.

This took me another few years to get over.

The practice of semen retention, no-fap, and non-ejaculation has been my longest-standing personal practice. I’ve been practicing this for 13 years now, and I feel I’ve found a place in myself where I’m content with the times I choose to release my seed.

I’m an advocate for this practice, as it changed my life both with my confidence and my ability to perform sexually and have tantric sex.

Monk mode or celibacy has its time and place, but ultimately sex is both a personal and relational practice.

Bonus Tip:

I’ve spoken to a lot of guys that have told me that their sexual partners get confused and take it personally when a guy chooses to withhold semen. That’s why communication is massively important. Tell your partners about your practice, and the benefits, so they can support you in your non-ejaculatory journey.

It's important to work together in this, as women have the power to relax and open their yoni, which will make this practice 100 times easier.

What is your biggest sexual problem, and what do you want to do about it?